You have an irreversible condition: You're human.

The only Santa-Con(troversy) I'll participate in. This Christmas Eve was the first night of Chanukah (an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence), and it seems like an appropriate time to spend a moment sharing some thoughts on the subject of wishing good tidings around the holidays. When I was a little kid - maybe 4 or 5 - my best friend Bobby Helmstedder brought me a gift and a card and told me that my Christmas present could be opened Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, but not before. It was wrapped in shiny red paper and tied with a white ribbon...

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